The Bard of Biscuit City

... ACT 1, SCENE 1 with Cast of Characters

CAST OF CHARACTERS

The King of Constant Worry

The Queen of Fanatically Clean

The Prince of Sad Excuses

The Princess of Procrastination

The Earl of Good Advice

The Duke of Bad Decisions

The Duchess of Dirty Lies

Archbishop of Ucantelope

Small Talk Satan

B.S. Boring

Mighty Boring

Applebert & Wigglebob (Pony & Piglet)

Am I The Dauphinee? - Evil Empress of New France

The Mankiller Mannequins

1. Anais

2. Anouk

3. Antoinette

The Knights of Utter Nonsense:

1. Sir Rantsalot

2. Sir Bafflegab

3. Sir Groovy Two Shoes

4. Sir Lingo Clarifier

ACT I: SCENE 1

The city slept

Then woke anew

And no one was amiss

Of how the world had tilted thus

With Love’s first sweet soul kiss

The city went about its way

Baking Biscuits every day

Large and small, soft and round

Some hard as clay baked in the ground

All were lovely, fresh and good

Made with butter, love and fired by wood

Who am I, am I? You ask, I hear!

Who speaks of all of this?

I Am the Bard of Biscuit City!

Perchance a Mystery in a Mist

Here in Time and Life

In hopes and dreams

Sent here from far away

Well, not so much, if you tune me right

And let your soul come out to play

Pray listen up, pray listen well

To the drumbeats of these hearts

The king he had a single son

T’is here that we shall start

And the Queen she had a daughter

From a marriage in her past

Now two and two make four, I say

But could this family actually last?

The rumor was the lad was lacking

And little more than sad sack useless

So he was known in Biscuit City as

The Prince of Sad Excuses

And the girl soon would make a name

For her tardiness and golden mane

In no time she had made a splash

And found her special station

So throughout the land her name was nicked

Princess Procrastination

This worried Worry, who worried lots

About everything and more

While Clean did notice nothing

But the filth on every floor

Throughout the castle

In the streets

On countertops

Between the sheets

Where she kept her King of Constant Worry

Alive and kicking, motor purring

It was only there

The king was freed

From his furrowed brow

At Light speed

Then came one day

At dawn’s first light

After being up most half the night

The King could not rise up this day

“So stay in bed,” his wife did say

“I’m off you see, to scout out fakery!

And find the perfect biscuit bakery!”

“Sounds good, my love”

Said worn-out Worry

“Take your time,

No need to hurry

I’ll be here when you get back

Unless I have a heart attack”

“Oh, you’ll be fine!” winked sexy Clean

“You know I am your Biscuit Queen!

I’ll get you up and standing tall

But first I’ll grab our Princely Paul

And Princess Paula, rascal dear

Keep an eye on them

So have no fear!”

But the King was now fast asleep

Snoring like a bleating sheep

Clean kissed him on his forehead soft

And started on her way

To find the perfect biscuit for her love

On a perfect Biscuit City day