The Bard of Biscuit City - Prologue

... with a brief introduction

INTRODUCTION

Hello again. It’s late and I can’t sleep so what better to do than write to you.

The Bard of Biscuit City was my first book. I self-published it in spring 2019, almost exactly a year before the Coronavirus pandemic started.

The idea for the book came years ago when one day my father and I were doing up the supper dishes. Dad was worried we’d be late for a hockey game that we were heading off to watch later that night and Mom was standing beside me examining the dishes I was drying to make sure they were sufficiently cleansed and sparkling.

I couldn’t help but think, ‘Was she having an affair on dad with Godfrey the milkman back in 1954?’ I mean, we had lots of time before the game as it was a couple hours away and the dishes were just fine.

He was muttering “We better get a move on or we’ll miss the puck drop.”She held a glass to the light and was shaking her head. Her look was one of disdain for the pure filth we had missed. How could we? It was one of those exquisite moments in life when you wonder how in God’s name did I ever end up it in this family. We’ve all had them. Right? I know you know what I mean! :)

So the King of Constant Worry and the Queen of Fanatically Clean were thus born.

Anyway, now that I’ve started this, I think I’ll just keep adding opening commentary to each post as I go along, talk about the process and anything else that comes to mind. My brain does not work as well as it once did. Not so organized sometimes. So please feel free to ask questions along the way. I’d love to hear from you and would be happy to explain anything you might be curious about or like to know. I attempted to make the story a little bit like Shakespeare meets Monty Python’s Flying Circus meets King Arthur’s court - and wrap it all in a mystery.

The mystery of course is: Who is the Bard of Biscuit City?

The book actually started out as a novel. I wrote about 200 pages back in 2009 while I was in a nasty scuffle with prostate cancer. A lot of the writing was pretty bad. I was on opium and morphine around the clock for around 6 months, the result of being in the unlucky 5% of men who suffer very severe side effects from brachytherapy radiation. Another story for another book. Think Forest of Faith. I will be shamelessly incorporating a lot of real life stuff from my battle there. Some of it ended up in this one too. I will fill you in on that when we get there.

And believe me, I don’t know where this is all going. When I started to rewrite The Bard of Biscuit City in September 2018, I chucked the first draft of the novel and only kept the prologue. It was in verse and I wanted to rewrite it using a process of simply getting up every day, saying a little prayer, and seeing what came to me, where it would lead. I knew I wanted it all to rhyme. That was it. I seem to have a knack for that and once woke up in the middle of the night rhyming in my sleep. Seriously, it ain’t easy being me! :)

I’m thrilled with how it turned out, however, and if I never finish another book I am perfectly happy. This is the one book I know I wanted to write before I go home.

So here it is… hope you enjoy!

PROLOGUE 

I remember the day Love met  

It was summer, warm breeze in evening  

And all the world serene 

Was there in Commoner’s Market… least likely of all 

The King of Constant Worry   

Met his Queen of Fanatically Clean 

She spied his Worry  

He spied her Beauty 

They glanced 

Then once again 

Unseemly? Yes 

Impossible? No 

For this was Biscuit City 

Was there King Worry's dream took wing 

And in a heartbeat soared to Heaven 

Then back in a moment that was self-same 

Came his Sweet Clean Swan, his Song of Avon 

Aroused by such a comely sight 

Worry blushed and turned away 

For Clean did dress so smart and bright 

To this winsome one, he knew not what to say 

But he thought again 

And said I am King 

Of all in Biscuit City 

So why should I fret?  

And fret yet more 

I’ll not leave adorned with pity! 

So Constant Worry swaggered forth 

Steely Dan and bold with plot 

But he worried still  

Hair thinning so 

Whilst his royal waist was thinning not 

With curtsied bow of grace and style 

Fair Lady of Anti-Eunuch 

Did spy a speck of lint upon 

Worry’s Royal Purple Tunic! 

“Tsk, tsk” she spake 

“This shall not do for sake of royal duty! 

For a King so fine and handsome 

We will cleanse and press it firm, my Lord, 

And spit-shine your royal booty!” 

Well Worry now had heard enough 

Heart and loins picked clean as cherries! 

So he cut to chase and shouted out 

“By Fate, we shall be married!” 

So this is how it all began 

In the world of Clean and Worry 

Time did stand still for all to see 

Though perhaps the pair did hurry 

May their dreams stay young  

And rife with fun 

And may Love’s soul mates sit a pretty 

As the moon rises bright 

O’er the sky above 

The King and Queen of Biscuit City